मिशेलले बाराक ओबामालाई रंगेहात समातिन, सम्वन्ध बिच्छेद हुन सक्ने :: OBAMAS TOTALLY GETTING SECRET DIVORCE BECAUSE OF SECRET SEXYTIME OR MAYBE JUST TO MAKE RUSH LIMBAUGH HAPPY
“Michelle is so upset over her troubled marriage that she didn’t want to leave Hawaii when it was time to go,” a source said.
“She said she wasn’t ready to face the ‘fish bowl’ of Washington, D.C., and refused to fly home with Obama and the girls on Air Force One. The president had no choice but to leave Michelle behind in Hawaii.
“Some of the president’s most loyal supporters were absolutely sickened by his behavior at the Mandela event.
“They decided to pass secrets to Michelle while she was in Hawaii, and she picked up some very incriminating information, including the fact that the Secret Service has been covering up the president’s cheating.
“She learned that Barack was caught with a woman in an incident that, in the words of one mole, was ‘hushed up.’ Besides that, a Secret Service agent also saw the president ‘in a compromising position’ with another woman while Michelle was out of town.
“Barack told Michelle not to believe the stories. He insisted that they were ‘all bull.’ But Michelle has had enough and declared, ‘I want out!’
बेरी लिवाइन र लियोन बेनेगरको यो रिपोर्टमा अमेरिकाका राष्ट्रपतिको जोडी एकसाथ रहनेमा कुनै सम्बन्ध बाँकी नरहेको बताइएको छ । मिसेल ओबामाले सम्बन्ध विच्छेदका लागि वकिलहरूसँग समेत कुराकानी गरिसकेको बताइएको छ । रिपोर्टमा ओबामाबाट छुटिने विषयलाई मिसेलले बाराक ओबामा अमेरिकाका राष्ट्रपति भएको र सन् २०१६ सम्म चुप नै बस्ने निर्णय गरेको दाबी गरिएको छ । व्हाइट हाउसमा मिसेल एक्लै बस्दै आएकी छिन् ।
रिपोर्टमा स्रोतलाई उद्धृत गर्दै दक्षिण अफ्रिकाका पूर्व राष्ट्रपति नेल्सन मण्डेलाको शोकसभामा ओबामा र डेनमार्क प्रधानमन्त्री हेल थार्निङग-श्मिटले तस्विर खिचेपछि नै यी दुईको सम्बन्धमा खटपट भएको थियो । हवाईमा बाराक ओबामासँग छुट्टी मनाउन गएकी मिसेलले वासिङ्गटन सँगै फर्किन समेत अस्विकार गरेकी थिइन् । दुवैबीच झगडा श्मिटसँगको फोटोशुटका कारण भएको बताइएको छ । ओबामाले मिसेललाई दुई पटक झुक्याएको पत्ता लगाएपछि मिसेच ओबामासँग रिसाएकी थिइन् ।
स्रोतलाई उद्धृत गर्दै उक्त रिपोर्टमा हवाईमा छुट्टी मनाउने क्रममा ओबामाले मिसेललाई निकै मनाउने प्रयत्न गरेपनि मिशेलले सँगै फर्किन अस्विकार गरेकी थिइन् । ओबामाले मिसेलको जन्मदिनमा व्हाइट हाउसमा दिने पार्टीका बारेमा जानकारी गराएपनि उनी त्यहाँबाट फर्किन नमानेको बताइएको छ । तर, देशको लागि कर्तव्यको जानकारी दिँदै ओबामाले मिशेललाई पार्टीमा आउन मनाएका हुन् । उक्त पार्टीमा मिसेलले आफूलाई झुक्याए सबैको सामू ओबामाको बेइजत गरिदिने धम्की समेत दिएको बताइएको छ ।
रिपोर्टमा बताइएअनुसार ओबामाका केही इमान्दार कार्यकर्ताले शोकसभामा भएको घटनालाई मिशेलसामू प्रकट गरिदिएका थिए । यता ओबामालाई यसबारे मिशेलले सोध्दा उनले ती सबै झुठो भएको र यसमा विश्वास नगर्न आग्रह गरेको थिए ।
From the same not-newspaper of not-record that first broke the story of son-of-a-mill-worker (TRUE STORY! in case you hadn’t heard) John Edwards impregnating himself with the double super secret love child of professional attention whore Rielle Hunter comes this Pulitzer-worthy doozy, which we TOTALLY believe:
WITH a White House cheating scandal set to explode, President BARACK OBAMA and his wife MICHELLE are hiding a divorce shocker from America!
The two locked horns in a series of ugly fights during their recent Hawaiian getaway, but sources say the death blow came when Michelle learned that the Secret Service has covered up Obama’s cheating – twice.
After a “mole” exposed the president’s betrayal, a furious Michelle ripped into him during a bitter blow-out and raged: “I want out!”
Obviously, this story must be true, because it is sexy and fun and so much more interesting than any of the actual scandals the lamestream media insists on covering right now. Congratulations, flaccid-bag-of-gas Rush Limbaugh. Looks like you get your pony!
Why can’t we have Obama running around on Michelle or something? … Wouldn’t that be a much better scandal than Christie and bridge lane closures, for crying out loud?
Why yes, it surely would!
According to the never-wrong Enquirer, Michelle Obama’s side eye seen around the world at Nelson Mandela’s funeral was actual side eye and not just an awkward photo. When they returned to the White House, according to anonymous sources who are probably totally telling the truth, Michelle yelled all kinds of angry words, called the Danish prime minister a “tramp” (which is not a very sisterhood-is-powerful thing of her to say), and made Barack go sleep on the couch.
And then things got even worse. When President Too Sexy tried to smooth things over with a trip to Hawaii (and also because the Obamas always spend Christmas in Hawaii, but we digress), she was about to forgive him until she learned that the Secret Service had been covering for the president, who had been found doing compromising positions with various ladies who are not his wife.
“She learned that Barack was caught with a woman in an incident that, in the words of one mole, was ‘hushed up.’ Besides that, a Secret Service agent also saw the president ‘in a compromising position’ with another woman while Michelle was out of town.”
Yes, we are confused, because we thought the president was actually secretly gay and doing coke-fueled secretly gay positions with his aide and friend Reggie Love, but turns out that was probably just the cover story to cover up the real story that Barack is doing other secret sexytime with ladies who are not Michelle. Unless the secret sexytime stories with ladies are the cover story for the real story about the secret gay sexytime … Aw, hell, we’re so confused now, we need a Venn diagram or something of all of Barack Obama’s secret sex, probably with Benghazi right in the middle, because this is all obviously a cover-up of THE cover-up of Benghazi. Or Obamacare. Or the IRS. Or … aw, hell, we might need a few diagrams now.
Anyhoo, it sure seems like the Obamas are heading to divorce court, if we are to believe this EXPLOSIVE!!!!! story that we don’t actually believe, but maybe we should because hey, the Enquirer was right about the Edwards thing after all:
“Michelle’s now left to contemplate the sad reality of her situation. For the sake of her husband’s presidency, she’s going to have to stand by her man until his second term ends in 2016. But for all intents and purposes, their marriage is already over.”
Damn, we are sad. We really thought those two crazy kids would make it. Guess the only question left now is who gets to keep Bo and Sunny.
